germ* thank- you notes
the third day of christmas my true love sent to me.
a person who inspired me to start projects going again. i'm aware i only have less than a week left. that really sucks to put it bluntly. the wicked thing about Christmas is that it reminds you school is opening.
this entry is a sort of thank you entry. to everyone in my life who's been so wonderful. i haven't been fair to you all, but lemme tell you if one of you guys were not in my life, i would have never made it. i really love you guys. i don't say i love you much cos i'm afraid of not meaning it truly, to couleurs: but you girls. wow. nothing can ever replace to the strength you have given me.
shu: this is really hard. i don't know how to begin, but everything you've given me is more than what i've given you. i hope that our relationship would leave from being receiving to giving a whole lot more. thank you for being my friend. i don't know how much these six words mean to you, but to me, they have a gravity that cannot be erased.
melia: you touch me with your heart. and the heart is something you must always keep cos it's the only thing i can ever locate you with in the darkness. and remember. it's not the truth that sets me free, but more of His love that does.
alice: darling liz, you bring me back to earth when i fly to high and there's no oxygen. when i think of you, there's no darkness, i think happy. thank you for teaching me with your smiles. they mean alot more to me than mona lisa's. go forward with passion.
for pq: you are one of my threads through the labyrinth. He is the strongest thread of course, but you come close. :) i really love you for being you. for being the person who really reminds me of summer. summer because they bring frequent rain (like your emotional side). summer because flowers bloom so beautifully (like how you bring out the best in me). thank you.
to the two greatest people in church: for embracing me as a person and dealing with my faults the way He would want it to be changed. i think out of all my friends, i received too much from you guys and gave too little. you really give me the courage when the ice comes. when my "dark side" takes over. haha. i have so much to say but i don't know how. so these two words for now. thank you.
to the lovely special friend who got me thinking of writing again: you have always surprised me (in a sort of expected way but it always makes me more glad) with your strength and take on life. few people inspire me like you do. you told me about the ability to dream. now, you will never be alone because you HAVE the ability to dream. Dreams are probably one of the few things that can fill the vacuum within us. i missed you and i still do. but now it's a fonder missing. when i think of you, it's not the pain of leaving i remember, or the horror of forgetting, it's your face and our fondest memories. painted in pink, white and orange.
27 December 2004*15:40
love keeps liftin us higher
liz*
Happy Boxing Day =D.
Dearies, had a great christmas? Or maybe you are just like me, tired tired and very tired. Orchard is sickeningly crowded it kills my mood to celebrate but helps me develop the pace for studying. Wooo~
*slaps myself from being nerdy* anyway I want to go out with all of YOU! Especially Germaine who only replies SMSes. Though I admit peevishly I havent done pressies for u guys yet..except amelia since she is nice enough to hang out with boring alice =P.
Then again, you three bdays are coming up soon! HEHE. I promise your presents will be near k. And its not 3 in 1 lar..christmas and new year and bday combined. =P
Ok I'm ranting and very incoherent. Hope you guys have nice pressies because I did =P and treasure the last few days of the yr! (sounds very sadistic =)
*Cheerios* =D
26 December 2004*17:40
love keeps liftin us higher
shu*
i went to look for the cat again.
it wasnt at its box, i thought the kids took it out again.
a little sad, i was, and then i heard a little mew from behind me. alas.
it had been waiting for me on the 7th floor. i sat down, and it got onto my lap. and curled up into a ball, eyes closed.
bliss.
im beginning to develop an attachment for it, but.. really adopting it and keeping it as a pet has so much responsibility!
have to take it to a vet, give it a good scrub, buy cat food, get a scratching post for it lest it destroys my sofa. or bed. and lots of tlc. i heard cats are independent.
and well. its toilet trained! to my toilet. haa.
but, mummy says no. daddy asks, who's gonna take care of it.
i'll be in jc..sigh. so busy. everything. will really be mad if i go for trip science. haai.
that kitten sounded like it had a blocked nose. like. yah. haaa. cute.
18 December 2004*18:21
love keeps liftin us higher
shu*
my sis asked why do i love you?
and i said, well, cus you love me.
and she said, i made you love me first, so its like my fault.
and i wasnt refering to a person.
its a c-a-t. cat.
that morning, it walked right into my 7th floor apartment and hid under the sofa. and then my maid carried it out.
and then. its so cute and all, i had to love it cuddle it take care of it. but i had no cat food. so i gave it fish.
but mummy said i cant keep it.
the cat is an abandoned cat, by the way. at the stairway of the 6th floor. it was hungry so it walked up the stairs, out of the stairwell door, and into my open door.
and so this morning the cat walked into my house again. i was having a stomachache but when i heard its mews i just shot out of bed. and i followed it. and that cat.
walked right into my bathroom.
and it aimed its ass at the. place where the water drains away from the shower cubicle.
stayed for a while, and then walked off, out of my house.
it left a yellow patch. in my toilet.
a stray cat walked into my house to use my toilet.
and if that's not blog worthy enough, just a few hours ago it came in again. mewing very loudly, walking straight into the toilet.
this time, it left egestion.
smart cat.
i'd visit it sometimes, it can recognise me. it sleeps in a shoe box on the 6th floor stairway. there's always a bunch of kids around. they said it belonged to their friend, who went overseas. but seriously, i think its just. a stray they found, or maybe their friend found, but couldnt keep at home. meow meow doesnt have a collar.
its homeless.
i like it. its very young, a kitten. it'd look at me and purrs oh so sweetly. and cuddle in my lap, give playful bites, and rub itself against me.
but i dont think my parents would allow me to keep a cat.
so. anyone interested? its really cute. black with cream speckles. its nose's like half black half cream.
and it's..toilet trained.
18 December 2004*1103363549
love keeps liftin us higher
shu*
*qianyanwanyujinzaibuyanzhong*
i made you angry i think. i just finished reading every single entry you've on your blog. there were stuff about me. thoughts about me i never knew. and that you love me. i love you too girl.
sorry. for making you upset.
i wish i were like you, somehow. you inspire me. to be. tougher.
and yet i want all of us to be different too. to be the same in a different way, you said.
im sorry.
~*~*~*~*~*~
i read your blog too. i feel like i dont know that side of you. they tell me im different when im with you. so different. so. unreal.
i want to believe that you bring out the best in me. that you bring out the real me. am i real? am i real when im with you? are you real? are you real when you're with me?
are we real?
like bubbles of a dream. will we sleep forever?
18 December 2004*00:20
love keeps liftin us higher
liz*
Hi My Fellow Earthlings
This is Alice the E.T who happened to be on hiatus for the past four days since connection to the internet was annulled in the vast universe of Christchurch.
That was lame but I have a feeling I missed quite a bit from you guys since I have been away in camp. Guiltily, I think I am the furthest colour among us for. I do need to catch up so I'll be on msn(finally!) tonight. Remember, talk to me!
PAE is tmr! so exciting =P Anyway lets arrange a day so we can view Botero's sculptures along the Esplanade. Cheap, scenic and ARTSY man. Shu, this can help your portfolio! I think =P.
Don't hang me in the gullotine (sp?) because I havent been showing much love and care to ya all. Sorry dears and I will try my best to make it up to you. Love ya.
16 December 2004*17:39
love keeps liftin us higher
*shu
im blogging with dry contacts, dirt on my face which i just forced in deeper when i stuffed my face into pillow and a slightly troubled heart. my darling down pillow. i love it. and hair that's. all warm now. and. collecting a lot of. yah. |:
ppl are becoming sadder around me. and i cant get on msn. i want to talk to my friends. and friday's coming.
the holidays are ending. jc is starting.
my birthday is in a month. im becoming 17.
watched ocean's twelve. its. friggin good. go watch it. two thumbs up. and i like the j8 movie seats now cus. its comfy and arm rest can remove. i hate armrests.
i'll rmbr your promise of big cars and chauffers.
things feel so weird.cold, distant.
i cant smell your smell anymore. ):
15 December 2004*22:47
love keeps liftin us higher
amelia*
went to eat
im feeling quite down right now..
i can't risk my friends worrying too much bout me anyway.
lunch brunch with shu darling this afternoon
she needed to return me my white skirt
so we ate mos burgers.
actually im just blogging cuz shu said i havent been blogging
so glad everything's turning out alright for u gurl!
but i guess i will be okay.
and i will be.
so yarh..dont worry bout me.
15 December 2004*21:51
love keeps liftin us higher
shu*
went to the zoo today!! whee! everybody should go to the ben&jerry's parlour there and eat a lot a lot of cherry garcia. cus its such a hot hot favourite that they dont even have it in pints anymore. ppl just whack one whole tub like that..shiok! ((:
im not working on my portfolio. naah. im l-a-z-y. actually, im looking forward to jc at *secret jc* with good friends. its secret, where i wanna go, cus. well. i dnt want too many ppl going there. like, my neighbour who's one year my jnr came over last night to cope some notes and shou-ce-s. then she was like. she wanted to go same jc as me. ...sigh.
i wanna meet new ppl! i love my pri sch friends duuh. but like. i wanna...expand my social circle! no offence, but. its always the same good old buddies. it IS, of course, the sweetest and most beautiful thing, of a rekindled or still everlasting friendship from yesteryears. or like. ppl who hated you then when you were in p.skoo cus they thought you liked their boyfriends. wahaha. kidding lah. i love you lah. *qianyanwanyujinzaibuyanzhong* :D
next year, what a change! what a challenge! what a great way to grow, with Him. and you too darling. we have a mission. and we'll pass this test, we'll do well, we'll be just fine. good, better, best, for Him. yay! (:
ive been spending more time with my girlfriends now, a kinda. *luxury cus well, i was either too busy in a rltnshp or busy persuing another. ling and i have to meet less now. but well. its a. must have kinda change. next yr's so impt for both of us, right not ling? it'd be fine. *cuddle.
for moo, wonder if you're reading this. im. fine, really, dont worry. there's always a good reason for everything, and if you believe in that, you'll see that my end-of-year-in-your-absence decisions will always work out just fine. painful always, but. the darker the night, the faster it means daylight is breaking.
for ppl who bother to plough through my entry til thus far, i wish you... love, faith, hope, peace and joy. God bless.
14 December 2004*10:58
love keeps liftin us higher
germ*
you know the chapter in Little Women about experiments? oh man. i'm going thru the same nightmare.
i've discovering the horrid truths about idling. it's killing me. literally. even as i type, i'm clear this has to be my worse entry ever. WORSE. because i can't seem to type sense, nothing's coherent, my mind's a wasteland. and i'm going into enjambements! argh!
that's just for starters.
two, idling let's you think about lotsa things. especially those you DON'T WANT to think about. but that's ok, we have to face up to reality someday.
but no, it has to ruin our lives by destroying every inspirational plan i had for the hols. like building my portfolio, like getting stuff i need, doing more follow up, learning to be more domesticated. i'm still stagnant. or maybe already flailing.
to give you an idea how domesticated i am, i helped my mum mop the floor and ironed the clothes. crap. for people who don't know how to iron, here's a little insight. for those who know, yesyes, i'm really hopeless ain't i. my father's shirts were really the worse ones to iron. you flip and flip the shirt around but you can't seem to do it the way you want it. then the iron doesn't seem to get hot over the places you want to smooth out. but it gets hot on all the wrong places! so you get they wrong creases. and when you try to smooth them out, they fold, and it gets worse. but really. when i finally had my father's two shirts ironed (almost) flawlessly, i was really proud.
but sincerely, God bless my future husband if i have one.
four, it's all about my poor books. i'm really getting on with them really poorly. it seems, when the prelims were nearing and i had a really hard but good book to read, i got along much better. but oh no. (puts head in hands) currently my books hardly interest me.
maybe it's because they are mostly horrid. but my irritable temperament a la Jo is not helping.
fifth, feel really guilty to a lot of people. A LOT. people from my past and present. hais.
so far. yes. this is my summary. germaine really sucks doesn't she. disappointed sorta of mostly with my self. i can't promise when or how much i can improve. but till then.
14 December 2004*01:34
love keeps liftin us higher
):
If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms
11 December 2004*20:35
love keeps liftin us higher
amelia*
i didn't mean to be pissed at you lizzie dear
im so happy for alot of ppl these few days
i guess it just did for you shu.
and maine..it's alright
and between now and then..
but i was just pissed at that moment with all those ignoring
dont worry. you'll always be my lover k? (:
including u shu (or sue maybe) just kidding
glad to hear u're back on talking terms and all
hope ur dreams will be even more wonderful now that that the air is cleared yar?
as they always say..
good friends will ALWAYS remain as good friends
no matter how big the storm is..they'll brave it
no matter how long the journey takes.. they'll walk it
no matter how deep the wound is.. time will heal it
glad u took my advice and initiate somethin.
3 of us understand that u really hate the word 'shopping'
but. we don't blame you.
really.
we were just sad we didn't have the time to spend with you that's all
till i see you again..
i'll be loving you..
love me* (:
11 December 2004*01:03
love keeps liftin us higher
germ*
i read anna karenina. hmm. not bad i guess given that it's leo tolstoy. didn't magnetise me that much though. i like the dramatic sense of irony, how the tables are cruelly turn.
it's a real tragedy. i can;t decide if not loving is better than having loved that sort of love.
what am i saying.
i read handmaid's tale also. a bit bit horribly sick. people who read it know what i mean.
i borrowed c.s. lewis's till we have faces. it's based on the greek myth of the love between Cupid (Venus's son) and Psyche. looking forward to that one.
my dearest wishes to classicsconverts!
11 December 2004*01:01
love keeps liftin us higher
germ*
several surprises. several unpleasant things. and several things i would grudgingly admit that i am. more clear during hols.
idling is wicked, truly. i've not exactly been idling, but more often than not, finding pleasure in doing things that are totally stupid. i should be ashamed of myself. plenty of things that can be done. the spirit it willing, flesh is weak, so spirit is flailing. until today. (hopefully)
i just passed a test. it surprised me cos i actually cried cos of it. well.. shouldn't have. but it was good.
i'm a homebody. i love lazing. i'm really sorry to say this but the thot of walking around in orchard ITSELF makes me really dreadfully dreadingly tired. besides having no moolah is not great motivation either.
i watched summer scent twice. i liked it i guess (grudgingly admits) altho it's sorta long-winded. but i like this director.i watched a couple of korean dramas (yea, i should have the grace to blush) but what i really like about his style is that it is so artistically pleasing. the styling of characters, their clothes, the scenery, the music (i think he likes classical), the cinematography. bea-uti-ful. i really liked that part.
i'm a hopeless romantic. always and forever will be. even if i can be really scornful of sentiments sometimes. i know that that's just a facade. i'm really the sort who sleeps on marshmallow clouds of cotton candy. yeayea.
i just admitted my vulnerability.
oh dear heart, oh my, oh me, help me! haha.
10 December 2004*23:08
love keeps liftin us higher
shu*
big big big weight off my heart tonight. mailed him, and he replied! and now we can talk like normal friends again, great! :D
this is wonderful. thank you my Lord.
10 December 2004*00:58
love keeps liftin us higher
shu*
roar. irresponsibility to the clique! woman will you stop MIAing pls! ))): get you also reject our date. dont like that laah! we KNOW you're working hard. come out and play lah! dont so. grr. making us, or maybe just me, feel like fat hens here while you're like training hard everyday to become the pheonix we know you WILL be when 3 jan comes. come out and play with us pls? sigh.
this is so. bad. ssiggh. everything's just not good lah. just told zu that moo my big secret last night. and he laughed nonstop and even promised to tell ning and. laugh about it together! you evil cow. you'll be beef on my table before you know it. ...
:X ok. bad idea.
im so bored and so broke. this has to be my lousiest entry ever. brainless lump of words here like. haai.
*~*~*~**~*~*~*
okay anyway couleurs went on a girl date in the sad but expected absence of miss MIA. melia that women woke up late, i got out late. then umm. we met at taka food court. before that i was walking out of orchard station, then at the underpass of take i saw this old chinese lady sitting all by herself on a wheelchair, looking very forlorn. siggh. our eyes met and my heart ached. she looked abandoned. and so i went down to the food court and didnt have any appetite cus. yaah. that old woman on the wheelchair made me so sad.
and we went to the christmas fair at taka basement, and saw like this, whole calender fair thing? yah. and liz was like wondering why they put all the "xxx bikini special", "sports illustrated", "asian women special" calenders at the bottomest shelf. cus like, according to her, all the kids will see. haaa.
and umm. we walked arnd, and settled down at coffee bean. while i was freezing over my mocha, liz suddenly wanted to take a photo with the harley bike. haa. it was hilarious lah.
then umm. we went zara and decided that we shld have a brownie day cus both melia and i bought brown tops. whee! and now i owe melia an obscene amount of money. which i think i will ah. pay by installments! *paiseh.
yadeedum. then ah. they got shuzhen's present, and i went home.
looking forward to tonight. :D
09 December 2004*12:25
love keeps liftin us higher
shu*
saw your photos.
feel so, distant, of a different world.
wonder if.
im still that. special friend in your heart, as you are to me.
you seem so. afraid of letting me know the new you. so afraid of letting me into your new life. like, keeping me away, keeping a past fragment away from tainting your glorious present.
wish i could just hold you close in warm embrace and hopefully find that special spark we had, in our younger days. that look in our eyes, that excitement of a skilfully folded letter passed through class, that laughter that rang through our hearts.
i do miss what we had. but you're so. different now. so. far away. all grown up, chic, pretty, classy, rich. i wish i could still find the old you that i love amidst the Birkins and Guesses.
wonder if u do read my blog.
08 December 2004*00:36
love keeps liftin us higher
shu*
ning's at camp. )):
ive been a good girl this week, staying home and reading classics. i just bought so many, starting on jane eyre. next is wuthering heights followed by little women, and then romeo and juliet. hope to try tom sawyer and huck finn (yes yes ive had a deprived childhood). and maybe retry the edgar ellan poe one.
sigh.
yay! going out with melia that woman tomorrow. im so broke.
and im shamed to say that ive busted so much since 23nov that ive to teach my sis tuition to earn some extra buck cus if my parents dig out anymore money we'll have to dig potatoes to survive.
okay i was just kidding about the potatoes. i suppose we could make do with rice and salted fish, which arent that bad. (:
sigh.
i had a thousand and one things i wanted to do, planning with such fervour how im supposed to take up courses, go for internship, paint more, improve my portfolio, meet up with everyone, go on girl dates, watch movies, go shopping, kayak, watch the sunrise yadaa yadaa.
ah well. im broke and people and either getting busier, going off, or simply missing in action (aka miss boey).
posting results are coming out. and i cant decide whether i shld step up on my portfolio and chiong that appeal to hc or not. or just stay in my shld be new jc with good friends. sigh.
08 December 2004*00:11
love keeps liftin us higher
liz*
I feel like Dancing! Dancing! Dance the night away! (Do it the Christopher Michael Lee way!)
Ok I can do so much better than that =D.
05 December 2004*22:24
love keeps liftin us higher
amelia*
17th is a friday right? gotta make it before 7pm. i have to teach art after that. im alright with anything really. what matters is we all four have a gathering. (:
and shuying! im booking you on wed afternoon.. 8th of december. don't forget bout it horrrrr.
and HELL NO! im not in rgs u. i think i'll look kinda ugly in it too. not really the first time ive heard others say i look like so-and-so from another sch. if not it'll be... 'do you have a sister in this school??'
is there such a thing in the world a known fact that two strangers can look v similar to one another? i really wonder bout it sometimes. ive said to resemble charlene from crescent track. now i wonder who this rgs person is.
cya in church tml liz! (:
pics taken on gradnight*
05 December 2004*02:26
love keeps liftin us higher
liz*
Yay.
Lets have a date on 17 Dec 2004. Next week is too rush la and I'm free from 17 onwards. How about you guys? Please blog if you can make it =P
On 17 December we shall go to someone's house. That eliminates me because all of you would not want to travel to Tampines.
Amelia, your house is renovating right? Will the oven be new too? If not, we can drop by Shu's or Germ's place, if that is ok with them.
Besides the venue, we need food! I have a few sinful chocolaty recipes which SOUND moderately easy to make, and we just need things like gelatin, dough and vanilla essence, which I THINK are relatively cheap. Never ask a person who cannot cook what.
Oh germ and I are cooking rookies! We have so much more to learn and I promise, I'll clean up!
On 17 th December k couleurs?
04 December 2004*10:26
love keeps liftin us higher
liz*
I'm guilt-free!
This month, we should go out =D How about next weekday? However, lets do something that is FREE and easy because I am really broke (inclusive of the taxi money I owe Amelia).
We can bake a cake or something at someone's house! Prepare for an independent life ahead and personally, to not be such a dumbo who doesn't know how to 1)clean the house 2)cook 3)Do the laundry =(
It will be a girl thing laaah. We should spice up our holidays because I'm pretty sian to go to Orchard almost everyday. Or maybe its only me.
I will continue to blog faithfully to ensure the existence of couleurs. Yay.
03 December 2004*23:09
love keeps liftin us higher
amelia*
shu..i shifted ur entry to the december box
don't fret shu..u still have my company
anyway... this is OUR BLOG
and send me your photos of gradnight girls. thank you (:
ps. am thinking of changing our blog's layout? should we?
so everyone..don't get shocked that shu is blogging at an ungodly timing of 3:04am
cuz i figured in all of couleurs
im the only nocturnal creature
i realised i haven't gone shopping with you once!
only that time we passed by town to look at skirts
as you said..it really is sad to know
we really gotta make a date too
i can't bear the thought that if we aren't hanging out so much in sec sch
i don't think we'll hang out as much in jc's either
and i guess no one is bothered to arrange somethin
since everytime i try arranging..
it sorta fails. so yeah
it hurts to know that we don't actually sit down in a rectangular circle
and have a heart-to-heart talk
or maybe just relishing moments in each other's personal life
maybe u guys don't think it's necessary -- but i think otherwise
who cares bout ppl not reading it? haha.
only us four need to do so
i really hope this blog survives through jc too
though i doubt so. sigh*
03 December 2004*03:11
love keeps liftin us higher
shu*
this is so sad.
maine is MIA.
and ive been. busy spending more money than i have.
and worrying about christmas presents cus ive no more money.
and thinking bout whether i shld pia from now til 17th dec for my portfolio and join the HC general appeal queue at 630am.
and fretting about life without kie when he goes for church camp.
and worrying that no one comes to our blog anymore.
and wondering when couleurs will go on a date again.(but wait, was there even once? roar.)
this is so sad.
03 December 2004*03:04
love keeps liftin us higher
